By yourself

My project work has been postponing because of some silly logistics. So I have nothing to do but wait here at Rishi Valley.
Everyone tells me this is a wonderful opportunity. And I know it. When else do you get to spend so much time with the trees, the clouds, the open sky and fresh breeze? With sunsets and birds and an occasional snake? What a golden oppurtunity! Yes I know it, I know it very well.
It’s all nice on day one.
It’s nice on day two too.
It’s ok on day three.
By day four you make so many phone calls, you are sure your phone bill is going to shoot up.
By the end of the week, you dream of meeting your friends and family, you are walking down streets and roads of your neighbourhood in your sleep.
By the end of two weeks you are on the verge of depression.

This temporal cycle also has a sub-cycle- a circadian one. Here is how it goes:
In the morning, you wake up feeling aweommse! The birds are singing, the sun is shining and you say to yourself, it couldn’t be a better day. After breakfast, you start your work. There are tonnes of things you have to do. Email your boss, analyze data, read through those books you have to read, do some more literature surveys. You do all this with enthusiasm till its lunch time. Lunch is served at the dining hall ten minutes from your house. Occasionally you meet some interesting people at the lunch table. Small talk happens. This is when you realize that you haven’t opened your mouth at all and used your pharynx to make sounds all morning. For a girl who was always caught in school for talking too much, this is a phenomenon to be reckoned with.

After lunch you get back to work. Read a book, surf net, read another book, read a paper, read your friend’s blogpost, read yet another book by yourself. Even after reading so much you realize you are, without a doubt, bored. You try to write, but mostly in vain. Sometimes something reasonably ok turns out, like this blogpost.

It’s 4.00 pm. Time to get up and exercise.
Tea must be getting served in the dining hall. Off you go for some tea, by yourself. Next item on the agenda- birding. Birding is fun. It is the only activity of the day that has an element of surprise in it. You never know which bird you’ll get to see up close, which bird will allow you to take awesome pics you can put up on facebook. Ah! The purple sunbird was posing so well! I’ll get lots of comments on my FB for this one!
There are lots of nice spots here for perfect sunsets. You sit on a hill top, or near a pond, or on open fields and watch the sun set aginst the hills. It's beautiful! You sit there with the breeze in your hair, again, all by yourself. You wish there was someone with you with whom you could enjoy this scene. It's not an idle thought. You really yearn for it. You really want company.

You come back home. Do the laundry, wash some vessels or sweep the floor. By yourself.
Dinner time.
Again, how well dinner goes depends on the people that come and join you at the table.
Walking back from dinner is when the feeling of dread sets in. Your house is in one direction the rest of the hostels are in the other. You walk back home; (need I mention) by yourself. After unlocking the door to the quiet house the first thing you do is switch on your laptop. I need some sound! Music. Any music. Anything other than this deathly silence. You while away your time doing general things- checking your fb friends’ status accounts, their pics, chatting. You constantly look at your watch. It’s only 8.30 pm.
Then you reach for your cell phone. Whom should I call today? I miss them ALL so much! The talks last for more than an hour. They leave you smiling and reminiscing about all your city-days. Later, the number of your yawns increase. It’s 10.00 pm. Time to sleep. One by one you switch off each light. With the diminishing of each source of light, you feel that the silence becomes more prominent, more noticeable. The switching off of the last light is the worst. As total darkness engulfs you and the house, you edge towards your bed, wimpering in your head.
What was that? That noise? Must be a toad. From outside. Sure it was from outside?
It’s nothing. You are just imagining it.
And that? That was definitely something. Yeah, but it was from outside. Must be those toads in the leaf litter. Should definately clear the leaf litter tomorrow. Leaf litter and toads- perfect place for snakes...
Did the door just crack open? No. It is just the small sounds houses make at night. It’s perfectly normal!
And that scratching noise? Hmm, either rats or civets on the roof again.
With these thoughts you fall asleep, by yourself.

Delays! Delays! Delays!

But I do want to work!

I want to be busy. I want to drown in work and be so busy that I have no time for sadness, no time for loneliness.

Just me and my work.

Then why does it not happen?

I just want my work to start now. But the fact that it's not in my hands is frustrating! I cannot do anything till the props are ready. Too many delays. They just make your enthu snuff out. I am tired of wasting my time. I am tired of nothing happening. I can't wait for the real work to begin. The anticipation of the results is killing me!

My first job on the field

Last night it finally hit me.
I am leaving home next week.

I have left home before, for innumerable camps, treks and excursions; for holidays in short. But this, this is for work. I have to go there for a job.

For all those who don't know what I am talking about, or for all those who don't know the exact details, here is the ho-down:
I'll be working as a volunteer under the guidance of a professor at NCBS which is located in Bangalore. I will first attend a conference during my stay in Bangalore, YETI (Young Ecologists Talk & Interact) then get some hands on training in Bangalore itself for the job at hand. Later, will move on to a place called Rishi Valley School, Andra Pradesh (Chittoor District). It is a well known residential school which teaches it's students by using the philosophy of J. Krishnamurthi. Incidentally, my mother wanted to enroll me in that school but by the time she heard about it, it was too late, I had almost finished my schooling. She still spoke about it wistfully. "If I had sent my daughter there"...and so on.Guess her wish will soon come true, in a way :)

Anyway, so the campus is a large one hosting good biodiversity (they also run a bird watching course there). So the prof from NCBS has a field station established there. His students go to that place for their field work and stay at the field station. The campus hosts a population of a fairly common lizard called the Peninsular Rock Agama. Nothing much is known about the animal except it's breeding season and colouration etc. I have to go there and study it. For starters, I will be focusing on its home range. My first official field job! Wow!!

Also, when I go to Rishi Valley, no one will inhabit the field station but me. But since it's a full fledged school, stuff like food and laundry will be taken care of. But when it comes to doing the actual work, I will be all myself. Also, imagine living in a 3 room house all alone.

I shall have only solitude for company :)

A dear friend asked me the other day, if I was sad about leaving home. At that time I wasn't, not that I am now. But I'm sure I'm going to miss it. I am sure I will miss meeting my friends whenever I want to, I'll miss the evening strolls around my neighbourhood, I'll miss CCD with my best friend, will miss watching Criminal Minds on TV, my room, my bed, the local trains, the traffic, the noise. Speaking of noise, I most probably won't be around for Diwali. Somehow I won't miss Diwali in the city. Would like to celebrate it away from the noise and the vulgarity. But I will miss my family during diwali though. But that's only in case I have to stay there. Dunno how things will turn out.

Also, this first phase is not a long one, I'll be back in a month or so. Will have to go there again in some time, things will get finalized in the coming weeks.
And, the field station is euipped with a broadband connection, so I won't be all alone, strictly speaking. Only, I don't know if I'll have the time to come online and meet friends.
During that period, I may either be silent on my blog, with not a post in sight, or I may blog so much that your Reader gets flooded.

All in all, October 2009 will be month of many firsts indeed.