This post is a result of a conversation I had with a friend of mine the other day. It all started when he realised my parents were quite cool about me traveling alone at night. (By night I mean 11.00 to 12.00 pm types). Well first of all let me go on record by saying they are ok with it only if they know who I am with, exactly where I am and why I have gone there and how I intend to come back. If I am with people I don't know too well, the question of me asking them permission to stay out late doesn't arise because I myself usually decide to go home early.

Anyway, so he asked me how safe it is for a girl to travel late night in Mumbai, which made me think. I told him that I have in fact had a few hassles while traveling alone. I didn't elaborate much and I could see he couldn't figure out the extent of these 'hassles", but he certainly seemed shocked and concerned. So I shall elaborate some of these incidents here in this post. Its not easy to talk about them here for all to read but I think I should do this because people must know. When have I ever told a guy friend of mine I had a hard time traveling in the bus or walking on the road? Its always your girl friends you talk to and avoid such conversations with guy friends. Isn't that wrong? They should be made aware of it, in case they aren't already. So here are a few experiences:

Dhakkas: The 'dhakaas' especially on railway staircases, and roads are common, so are in a BEST bus when the driver hits the breaks suddenly. They usually take advantage of the swaying motion of the bus to brush against you.  Another thing they do is, if you are sitting at the outer edge of a BEST seat, while getting off, they brush past you or stand in such a way that the middle of their legs brush your shoulders. 

Name calling: A very common phenomenon, you are called all sorts of things as they pass you by. 

Staring: Urrghh, its one of the sickest! Even if they are sitting ahead of you in a bus, they actually do an almost 180 degree turn and stare at you like you are an animal at a zoo. 

One of the worst is when they don't touch you at all, but touch themselves. While sitting beside you in a bus if they have a bag or something, they can easily hide the fact from the rest of the passengers that their zipper is down. This incident has happened so many times that I have lost count. That's the reason why most women would kill to sit on the "Ladies Seat" in a bus, since it ensures that the passenger next to you will almost certainly be a woman.

I suppose the scariest time was when I was traveling in a train from Andheri to CST, I had to catch another train from CST to go to Amboli for a college excursion. It was about 8.30 pm and since I was traveling in the opposite direction of the rush hour crowd (which travels from CST to up North like Andheri)  the train wasn't crowded. So at Sandhurst road the train compartment completely emptied except me so that I was the sole occupant. Some guy got in, sat on the next row, pulled down his zipper and...

Even though I was not touched physically, (THANK GOD FOR THAT) it was the scariest and sickest train ride I have ever been on.  

I remember very well that mom had advised me against traveling to CST alone, because the train will not be crowded, and hence, unsafe.The rest of my college friends were going to meet at Dadar and would proceed to travel together from there to CSTvia Central Line. But since I live in Andheri I had a direct train to CST via Hrbour Line I decided not to meet them at Dadar.  I think this happens to be the only time I didn't heed mom's advice. She has always known which is the safest route since she must have gone through all this herself. I have made a note in my mind to always consult her and learn from her experiences. 

I can guarantee each and every girl has gone through a harrowing experience such as this, or sadly, worse than these, unless she travels only by private transport. 

I have noticed that most of these situations have arisen either in broad day light or during evening, not necessarily late night. But this does not in any way prove that traveling by night is safer or something, simply because the frequency by which we have travelled by night is less than in usual rush hours, so the two cannot be compared. 

Another thing I have noticed is that such incidents occur, surprisingly, when you wear salwaar kameez, with most of your body covered. Jeans and tops don't elicit such reactions as much as a salwaar kameez does. I don't really know why, but one possibility is you seem more vulnerable in Indian clothes whereas western clothes somewhere in the deep recesses of their minds make you seem independent and harder to dominate. Its just a theory, I dunno. 

Anyway, that's all I suppose. And let me go on record that neither of my girl friends or I have been daunted by it as such, we have grown up in such a world, have taken it in our stride and have learnt to walk on the streets, occasionally raising our voices and teaching the assholes a lesson.

I got drunk for the first time during the New Year's party. Well, I had been high before, on my birthday treat for instance, but it lasted for only a few minutes. I only had an uncontrolled fit of laughter at that time, that’s all. But this new year’s I was high for hours.  Don’t really know what I did during that period, but I remember that I blabbered a lot, tried to dance but couldn’t because if I moved too much it hurt my head. Then my best friend and I moved aimlessly from room to room arm in arm and talked crap. At some point we ended up in the balcony where we slumped and cried. I don’t know why exactly I cried, but I think I saw her crying and I joined her. I sent some random sms-es to people wishing them a happy new year and telling them I was drunk. Then I received an  sms from a good friend of mine. He happens to be my ex’s room mate. So I replied back wishing him a happy new year and telling him I was drunk and asking him how my ex is. After that I happily fell off to sleep.

Urrghhh why did I do that? Why did I have to send that sms? I felt amazingly stupid when I was back in my senses. We don't talk about my ex ususally, and I didn't feel good about inquiring about him out of the blue. And I hope I haven’t spoilt my friendship with my good friend. 

I didn’t feel alright at all the next day. So I have realized getting drunk is not for me. It gives you this feeling of shallow, meaningless purposelessness the next morning which has just put me off the whole thing. I don’t want to be drunk again, not anytime soon anyway. I don’t regret doing it though, since being talli was one of those things for me that I wanted to do at least once in my life (that list also includes bungee jumping, paragliding among other things J ) . But now that I have done it, I’m not keen on doing it again. 

Oh and btw, my resolution for the new year- Try to eat food quicker than I used to.

I dedicate this first post of the year 2009 to my College Friends. I have known them for less than a couple of years, but I think I have known them all my life.

I thought I was going to spend my New Years with my best friend from school, Pranali and a small group of other friends. It so happened that one of Pranali's friends invited her college friends to our New Year's party. So we were a group of about 9 girls in Pranali's house. I was meeting these girls for the first time. I don't really know how to describe these girls, except that they took the word 'bitches' to a whole new level.

Arrogance just oozed out of them. When we woke up the next morning on the 1st of Jan, the house was in a mess. And here comes the part that pissed me off the most, none of them offered to help Pranali and me when we started the cleaning process. Forget help, they did not even have the courtesy to get out of the way as we walked from one room to the other trying to tidy up the place. Also,we had to remind them to chip in for the party. They had conveniently forgotten that the party was one where we all had to contribute together, that the food and drinks weren't for free.

Ok, so it was New Years and they were just a group of girls who wanted to have fun. But so were Pranali and me! Wrapping up at the end of the day is something everybody hates doing. That's the reason we should work as a team and minimize the work load. Their bad conduct bugged me to the core and I had half a mind to tell them that on their face.

This is in complete contrast to the friends I have in college. Our Masters degree brought together different people from all sorts of different backgrounds with varied goals and ambitions. But in these couple of years, we have become one united team, just the way different parts come together to form one single entity. Now, if we are given a task, like clockwork, we simply take our positions and complete the task in minimum time without too much confusion; no one needs to tell us or direct us, we are so well co-ordinated! I can swear, if my college friends were in place of these chicks today, each and everyone would have helped to tidy up the place without any one having to tell them to do it. 

I remember the beginning of this academic year when there was a science exhibition in our College. For some reason or another the news of this exhibition did not reach the Head of our department till one working day prior to the exhibition itself. At 5 pm of a Saturday we got a call from her telling us to prepare exhibits for the exhibition that was to start on Monday. We outlined the work ahead in an hour and went home. On Monday morning our exhibits were ready. Our seniors and the peons could not come early to college on Monday since they had some work of their own. Nor could our HOD. So the entire event had to be managed by the Masters junta.  On learning on the phone that we had no assistance, our HOD was a bit worried. She doubted if we could manage the event by ourselves. But we did that job without any assistance. And what a job! Zoology Department exhibits easily became the crowd pullers. The organizers actually thanked our HOD for making the event a success at such short notice. I won't forget what our Head told us that day, "You are ready! You have become efficient at handling a job".   

And this is just one aspect. My college group has taught me important lessons about friendship and unity in the process. It is said, you usually make lasting friends during your early years in school etc. and that as you grow up, relationships become more professional and self-centered. Somewhere in the race, the innocence and charm of a friend is lost. Not for us, no. I am lucky to make best friends at the Masters level, and retain it for years to come.

Thanks guys!