By yourself

My project work has been postponing because of some silly logistics. So I have nothing to do but wait here at Rishi Valley.
Everyone tells me this is a wonderful opportunity. And I know it. When else do you get to spend so much time with the trees, the clouds, the open sky and fresh breeze? With sunsets and birds and an occasional snake? What a golden oppurtunity! Yes I know it, I know it very well.
It’s all nice on day one.
It’s nice on day two too.
It’s ok on day three.
By day four you make so many phone calls, you are sure your phone bill is going to shoot up.
By the end of the week, you dream of meeting your friends and family, you are walking down streets and roads of your neighbourhood in your sleep.
By the end of two weeks you are on the verge of depression.

This temporal cycle also has a sub-cycle- a circadian one. Here is how it goes:
In the morning, you wake up feeling aweommse! The birds are singing, the sun is shining and you say to yourself, it couldn’t be a better day. After breakfast, you start your work. There are tonnes of things you have to do. Email your boss, analyze data, read through those books you have to read, do some more literature surveys. You do all this with enthusiasm till its lunch time. Lunch is served at the dining hall ten minutes from your house. Occasionally you meet some interesting people at the lunch table. Small talk happens. This is when you realize that you haven’t opened your mouth at all and used your pharynx to make sounds all morning. For a girl who was always caught in school for talking too much, this is a phenomenon to be reckoned with.

After lunch you get back to work. Read a book, surf net, read another book, read a paper, read your friend’s blogpost, read yet another book by yourself. Even after reading so much you realize you are, without a doubt, bored. You try to write, but mostly in vain. Sometimes something reasonably ok turns out, like this blogpost.

It’s 4.00 pm. Time to get up and exercise.
Tea must be getting served in the dining hall. Off you go for some tea, by yourself. Next item on the agenda- birding. Birding is fun. It is the only activity of the day that has an element of surprise in it. You never know which bird you’ll get to see up close, which bird will allow you to take awesome pics you can put up on facebook. Ah! The purple sunbird was posing so well! I’ll get lots of comments on my FB for this one!
There are lots of nice spots here for perfect sunsets. You sit on a hill top, or near a pond, or on open fields and watch the sun set aginst the hills. It's beautiful! You sit there with the breeze in your hair, again, all by yourself. You wish there was someone with you with whom you could enjoy this scene. It's not an idle thought. You really yearn for it. You really want company.

You come back home. Do the laundry, wash some vessels or sweep the floor. By yourself.
Dinner time.
Again, how well dinner goes depends on the people that come and join you at the table.
Walking back from dinner is when the feeling of dread sets in. Your house is in one direction the rest of the hostels are in the other. You walk back home; (need I mention) by yourself. After unlocking the door to the quiet house the first thing you do is switch on your laptop. I need some sound! Music. Any music. Anything other than this deathly silence. You while away your time doing general things- checking your fb friends’ status accounts, their pics, chatting. You constantly look at your watch. It’s only 8.30 pm.
Then you reach for your cell phone. Whom should I call today? I miss them ALL so much! The talks last for more than an hour. They leave you smiling and reminiscing about all your city-days. Later, the number of your yawns increase. It’s 10.00 pm. Time to sleep. One by one you switch off each light. With the diminishing of each source of light, you feel that the silence becomes more prominent, more noticeable. The switching off of the last light is the worst. As total darkness engulfs you and the house, you edge towards your bed, wimpering in your head.
What was that? That noise? Must be a toad. From outside. Sure it was from outside?
It’s nothing. You are just imagining it.
And that? That was definitely something. Yeah, but it was from outside. Must be those toads in the leaf litter. Should definately clear the leaf litter tomorrow. Leaf litter and toads- perfect place for snakes...
Did the door just crack open? No. It is just the small sounds houses make at night. It’s perfectly normal!
And that scratching noise? Hmm, either rats or civets on the roof again.
With these thoughts you fall asleep, by yourself.