Wingardium Leviosa

Like I haven't noticed it too

2010-05-24T11:46:00.002+05:30

I am not blogging. Yeah, I know. Blogging perhaps, was just a phase, after all...

Comeback

2010-05-02T20:25:00.002+05:30

The excitement is killing her. But she is not going to share it with anyone just yet, lest she jinxes it by saying it prematurely.

It's too early. No. She won't talk. Not now. Not till...

This has brought her back to her blog. She is overjoyed to know she is typing words again. For some months now she had phased herself out, not writing, not talking, not reading....

Her comeback is not far away now.

Pregnant with a growing foetus of a secret, she walks around the place with a smile on her face.

Restlessness

2010-03-30T18:36:00.003+05:30

Always something to do.

Always somewhere to go.

Always something on the agenda.

Can I just sit here on this rock; and do nothing?

Naja naja

2010-03-06T13:43:00.007+05:30

There they were.

Snakes.

Big ones.

Not one, but two.

Thoughts in my head- "What are they? Definitely not russels vipers or saw scaled vipers. These guys are looong. So cobras. Wait, they could be rat snakes. Well, I can't make out. They are moving too fast! Can’t see their heads, man! How do I make out?" It was then that I remembered I was holding a camera in my hand. "Stupid girl! Take pictures!! No!! Are you crazy? What if they are cobras? Run you stupid girl! But then I'll never know....

Click. Click. Click. Click. Camera frenzy.

"Check the pics. Did you get the head?"

Zoom in.

A hood.

"Oh my god, they are cobras!"

A parallel series of thoughts and emotions- I had to deal with the realization that it has actually happened. People had warned me about this, about snakes being around my work site. Wear shoes, not sandals, they advised. Wear full pants, not three-fourths. Wear thick full pants, not those flimsy cotton ones. And I had done all that. I had taken all these precautions. But I must tell you, standing there about 7 meters away from two large Indian cobras made all my precautions look puny and stupid.

Now I know why people revere them. Why they are idolized into gods. These guys are the very embodiment of power. Every move they made commanded attention. It seemed as if power actually oozed out of them, slithered to where you were and made you feel really really minuscule, puny and tiny and meaningless. Feeling helpless, I just stood there with dropped jaws watching them gracefully dance away.

Then the practical part of me finally broke through all the 'ooh's and ahhs'; this practical self reminded my jaw-dropped self that I was at least 20 minutes away from help in case anything went wrong, it was almost sunset and I had no idea how to handle snakes, so it would be best to pick up those dropped jaws and get myself out of there as fast as I could.

And I did.

After there was considerable distance between me and the romancing beasts, after the heart beats had returned back to normal a new moment of clarity- this is why I am here, I told myself. For this! This is why I didn't opt for a desk job. This is why I opted to get out of that city. To get out of the rush hour traffic and the local trains! To see a courtship of indian cobras, or as we biologists would call them Naja naja. It's all worth it, I told myself! The loneliness, the silence, the fear. It's all worth it! The moment of clarity broadened and I thought of all the other things that are making this 'living alone' worthwhile. The no-less-than-five hoopoes that visit my front yard everyday! The coppersmith barbet who posed so well in front of my cam! The verditer flycatcher that flew around the tree in my courtyard. The purple sunbird nests we monitored, their cute little chicks and their hungry cries!

I relate this incident to one that unfolds in the Lord of the Rings- when Frodo receives from Galadriel the light from Elendil, the elves' most beloved star; "let this be the light, when all other lights fade".

I sit here tonight, in this giant empty house and just when 'all other lights fade' I think of the spectacle that unfolded before my eyes- the rare sight that reminded me of why I am here. This, for me, is what Elendil was for Frodo.

Sappy? Very.But you know what, I don't care!

By yourself

2010-02-28T15:59:00.003+05:30

My project work has been postponing because of some silly logistics. So I have nothing to do but wait here at Rishi Valley.
Everyone tells me this is a wonderful opportunity. And I know it. When else do you get to spend so much time with the trees, the clouds, the open sky and fresh breeze? With sunsets and birds and an occasional snake? What a golden oppurtunity! Yes I know it, I know it very well.
It’s all nice on day one.
It’s nice on day two too.
It’s ok on day three.
By day four you make so many phone calls, you are sure your phone bill is going to shoot up.
By the end of the week, you dream of meeting your friends and family, you are walking down streets and roads of your neighbourhood in your sleep.
By the end of two weeks you are on the verge of depression.

This temporal cycle also has a sub-cycle- a circadian one. Here is how it goes:
In the morning, you wake up feeling aweommse! The birds are singing, the sun is shining and you say to yourself, it couldn’t be a better day. After breakfast, you start your work. There are tonnes of things you have to do. Email your boss, analyze data, read through those books you have to read, do some more literature surveys. You do all this with enthusiasm till its lunch time. Lunch is served at the dining hall ten minutes from your house. Occasionally you meet some interesting people at the lunch table. Small talk happens. This is when you realize that you haven’t opened your mouth at all and used your pharynx to make sounds all morning. For a girl who was always caught in school for talking too much, this is a phenomenon to be reckoned with.

After lunch you get back to work. Read a book, surf net, read another book, read a paper, read your friend’s blogpost, read yet another book by yourself. Even after reading so much you realize you are, without a doubt, bored. You try to write, but mostly in vain. Sometimes something reasonably ok turns out, like this blogpost.

It’s 4.00 pm. Time to get up and exercise.
Tea must be getting served in the dining hall. Off you go for some tea, by yourself. Next item on the agenda- birding. Birding is fun. It is the only activity of the day that has an element of surprise in it. You never know which bird you’ll get to see up close, which bird will allow you to take awesome pics you can put up on facebook. Ah! The purple sunbird was posing so well! I’ll get lots of comments on my FB for this one!
There are lots of nice spots here for perfect sunsets. You sit on a hill top, or near a pond, or on open fields and watch the sun set aginst the hills. It's beautiful! You sit there with the breeze in your hair, again, all by yourself. You wish there was someone with you with whom you could enjoy this scene. It's not an idle thought. You really yearn for it. You really want company.

You come back home. Do the laundry, wash some vessels or sweep the floor. By yourself.
Dinner time.
Again, how well dinner goes depends on the people that come and join you at the table.
Walking back from dinner is when the feeling of dread sets in. Your house is in one direction the rest of the hostels are in the other. You walk back home; (need I mention) by yourself. After unlocking the door to the quiet house the first thing you do is switch on your laptop. I need some sound! Music. Any music. Anything other than this deathly silence. You while away your time doing general things- checking your fb friends’ status accounts, their pics, chatting. You constantly look at your watch. It’s only 8.30 pm.
Then you reach for your cell phone. Whom should I call today? I miss them ALL so much! The talks last for more than an hour. They leave you smiling and reminiscing about all your city-days. Later, the number of your yawns increase. It’s 10.00 pm. Time to sleep. One by one you switch off each light. With the diminishing of each source of light, you feel that the silence becomes more prominent, more noticeable. The switching off of the last light is the worst. As total darkness engulfs you and the house, you edge towards your bed, wimpering in your head.
What was that? That noise? Must be a toad. From outside. Sure it was from outside?
It’s nothing. You are just imagining it.
And that? That was definitely something. Yeah, but it was from outside. Must be those toads in the leaf litter. Should definately clear the leaf litter tomorrow. Leaf litter and toads- perfect place for snakes...
Did the door just crack open? No. It is just the small sounds houses make at night. It’s perfectly normal!
And that scratching noise? Hmm, either rats or civets on the roof again.
With these thoughts you fall asleep, by yourself.

Delays! Delays! Delays!

2010-02-26T21:32:00.004+05:30

But I do want to work!

I want to be busy. I want to drown in work and be so busy that I have no time for sadness, no time for loneliness.

Just me and my work.

Then why does it not happen?

I just want my work to start now. But the fact that it's not in my hands is frustrating! I cannot do anything till the props are ready. Too many delays. They just make your enthu snuff out. I am tired of wasting my time. I am tired of nothing happening. I can't wait for the real work to begin. The anticipation of the results is killing me!

This is it

2010-02-22T09:17:00.002+05:30

I have to live all by myself from today onwards for a month or so.

2010-02-19T23:17:00.003+05:30

The following quote is for my new dearest friend, Sumit:

"May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds."

-Edward Abbey

Finally!!!

2010-02-01T21:45:00.001+05:30

A cute guy on campus!!!
FINALLY!!!!
yipppeeee!!!! :) :) :)

Ah!

2010-01-31T22:31:00.004+05:30

As I was walking back from dinner tonight, I saw the headlights of a car approaching steadily. Prolly going to the guesthouses to pick someone up, I thought to myself. Then as the car passed by me, I smelled something. Something I had smelled before. A smell I knew. Ah! Gasoline!

I was smelling an automobile's exhaust after eons.

This realization made my day. :)

2010-01-23T23:03:00.003+05:30

Hmm so...I did not clear NCBS or CSIR-UGC NET.

But I'm ok.

I just came back form watching a movie in the school's audi which is a 10 minute walk from our house. So after the movie, we had a nice walk under the stars; the sky was especially beautiful tonight and I felt oh so awesome in this place.

Had an unusual day today. I saw how the locals celebrate Pongal by decorating their cattle and dancing and cheering. I met some very wonderful people working in various fields and had some very interesting and enlightning conversations with them. All in all, I'm having a good time. And I'm really very happy.

Yes, I did not clear these exams, but somehow...I'm not loosing faith in myself like I used to earlier. I do firmly believe I can achieve what I want to, exams or no exams. Exactly how that's going to happen I do not know now, yet...

Right before I saw the results online, I asked myself what if I don't clear this exam? And I felt all timid and scared. I almost whimpered to myself "oh no!!! oh no!! I'm so scared! What if I don't clear it?"

Then I asked myself- "What's the worst that can happen?"

That made me find peace.

(Anupamaa, are you reading this?)

Rebuilding a lost world, piece by piece

2010-01-20T22:48:00.003+05:30

I lost ALL of my bookmarks when I formatted my C drive recently. Never knew google chrome stored bookmarks on your local drive, thought it was more like google toolbar bookmarks, which are stored under your google account. Painstakingly obtained, meticulously organized information...all lost.
Its a sad thing you know,to loose all the pages you liked, adored, were attached to, and were just a click of a button away...
Tonight I'm trying to fill the gaps, trying to reassemble all that I lost. It has a rejuvenating feeling to it, like reforestation of a degraded habitat...
I thought one of the reasons I have been unable to start hard core work on my pc is because I have been reluctant to manually search all those pages again.
I hope this action brings back the enth.

City girl misses the peak hour traffic

2010-01-20T22:20:00.003+05:30

I am not used to this.
I don't want to get used to this.
Never thought I'll miss the sound of the loud TV, traffic noises, the honking, the screeching of brakes, the sound of the fast trains, the fights in the ladies compartments...
This is toooo silent for me.
Too closed a system.
Too small, too peaceful, too fairytale-like. The same people, the same food, the same places day in and day out.
Work has kinda come to a standstill. It won't begin before the 25th for whatever reasons.
So here I am, I have tonnes and tonnes of other awesome stuff I can do here, want to do here, should do here, but am not.
Not enthu.

Tales from the Valley

2010-01-17T09:32:00.002+05:30

I'll post all my Rishi Valley posts under this heading, and give a brief background before I start. The background will be common for all posts.

Background- Rishi Valley is a place in the middle of southern rural India surrounded by farms, orchards, rocky hills and more farms. It also happens to be the place where I am working currently.

The following is one of the numerous incidents that has defined the whole Rishi-Valley-experience for me. Hopefully, more will follow.

It was an unusually hot day. I was on my way from Rishi Valley to Bangalore.To make this journey you have to hop onto a number of rickety buses and autorickshaws- that are more like a random assemblage of nuts and bolts that may all disassemble with the next road bump. As I said, it was an unusually hot day and my backpack with my laptop, clothes and an assortment of things I always carry but never use was not making things any easier. So as I stood in the bus’s aisle I cursed pretty much everything around me.

The bus made yet another halt and a hoard of people got in. Great, I thought. Just what I need. As the throng of people pushed inside, I suddenly found myself at the receiving end of a stampede in the narrow aisle. There is no way these guys can move in, I thought. There simply isn’t any space! A man tried to get past me. The grey hair on his beard were covered with dust, and yet stood out on his wrinkled, dark face. He was wearing what once must have been a white shirt and a white lungi. They looked more like brown than white now, just like his hair. He tried to motion to me to move so he could get past me. At that moment I don’t know how or why, I happened to look into his eyes. And as I saw the eyes of that farmer, I mused- ‘The tomatoes I had in my rassam today might have been from his farm’. I have no idea where this thought came from. It just appeared there in my head, out of nowhere. I imagined a single tomato making its journey from that man’s hand to my mouth.

I smiled, and let him through.

Priceless

2010-01-07T15:49:00.002+05:30

Wow..I can't believe I'm leaving tomorrow. Didn't think the days would pass by so quickly and it'll be time to leave already.

This time, it's going to be harder. I am going to miss home much more than last time. In fact, I didn'teven miss it last time. But this time, I know what I'll be leaving behind, and how much it's worth.

Never thought human beings could be priceless.

2010-01-04T11:05:00.004+05:30

There was a school reunion yesterday. I didn't really attend it. Why? Well...I'm not really a fan of school reunions actually. I had posted something about my school reunions on my earlier blog eons ago. I shall post it here now, to get the point across.

My school reunion

So Pranali calls me up today and asks if I have plans for the following evening, Why? Because a sudden school reunion has been arranged.

My first reaction- “Arrrrggghhh!!! Noooo!!!”

I have better things to do, thank you.

I mean, think about it, what could be worse than being greeted by some female (who, apparently, thinks showing your undies through your jeans and your nipples through your tight top is cool) with a big , “ HI!!! YASHADA!!’ and pecking you on your cheek (because it’s the hep thing to do) while you franctically try to jog through your memory trying to remember her name.

Did I say, what could be worse? Maybe this: Some other ‘babe’ showing off her new state-of-the-art cell phone and ‘accidentally’ scrolling to the folder full of her latest boy friend’s pics. While you smile back and throw some words of admiration at her, you are going “YUUUK!! what in the world did she find so cute in that guy??!”

And then the usual, “ I’m doing blah blah course from blah blah college” and “ My brother is in UK now, I’ll be joining him this fall”

No wonder you get to watch Desperate Housewives on TV, not Desperate Men.

I shifted to my dear wonderful school when I was in std 3rd. I did pretty much the same things that I did in my old school, but somehow things were different here. Why? Well, you can give it any other reason you like, but I think there is only one answer to it.
My previous school was co-ed, this one, was girls only.

(I am not trying to be anti-feminist or sexist at all. I am simply pointing out to you what life is like in such a school. And I am sure many of you will oppose this view strongly, but ‘freedom of speech’ are the only words I can think of).

Anyways, so I joined this school and searched for a niche for myself and tried to ‘fit in’. And in time I found one (for all those who don’t know or don’t remember, I was the weird kid in school who thought dinosaur names were cool and by-hearted the geological time-scale for fun.)

Not that school years were altogether bad. The one thing I am really glad about is that I forged an ever-lasting friendship with Pranali. And…..um…well, ya that’s pretty much it. Can’t think of any other ‘good’ things….

(As i write all this, at the back of my head, i'm visualising my clothes rack, thinking 'what shall i wear for the reunion? hmm, wonder if i should do something with my hair...'
i hate to admit it, but i'm no different from those girls!!)

P.S. Just for the record, Pranu attended yesterday's reunion. Apparently it was not that bad...

Shopaholic?

2010-01-04T10:55:00.004+05:30

The 2^nd of Jan 2010 shall go down in history as Yashada’s day of shopping.

I woke up at 7.30 in the morning for the sole purpose of marauding a clothes store. I have never really been stricken by a shopper’s craze as such, and never thought I would be the types to wake up to an early morning alarm just to go shopping. But, it was the first day of an off season sale, I was low on cash and I badly needed clothes for my field trip. Also, I wanted to avoid the crazed Lokhandwala crowd that looks like it’s come prepared more for warfare than a sale, early morning would be a good idea, I thought. Sadly, all the women in Andheri thought the same, and I found the store to be jam-packed at 9.30 in the morning. 9.30 in the morning!! How insane is that?? So after battling for the trial rooms with women who had picked up every piece of clothing they thought would fit them and after battling some more with women brandishing credit cards at the payment counter, I was out. The actual shopping part took about 25 minutes of my time, the rest of the hour and a half was the battle part.

But this was just the beginning. The more interesting event happened post-lunch.

Nachi, Viraj two of my closest friends were facing a dilemma-

You see they have a very dear friend from their school years, whom they have not met for a while, because the dear friend is in the US. This dear friend’s birthday was coming up and, good kind hearted souls that they are, Nachi Viraj planned to courier a birthday present to this dear friend all the way to the US. Now, the dilemma rested in the fact that they didn’t know what to buy as the birthday present. And the reason this was a dilemma for these boys was the fact that their friend happened to be a girl.

What do you buy as a birthday present for a friend, if the friend happens to be a girl?

Wow, I thought, men really don’t know what women want.

So I played consultant. I met them at this place in Ghatkopar called R World, it’s supposedly the biggest mall in Mumbai/India/this side of Asia, or something like that. In short, its HUGE.

We discussed the situation over frankies and colas at the Foodcourt. I asked all the relevant questions-

Who is this girl? Where does she live? What does she do? How old is she? What does she like? What does she not like?

After doing what I hoped to appear like some deep thinking, I walked out of the foodcourt and behaved as if the situation was under control and asked them to follow me.

And that is exactly what they did.

If anyone had seen us then, they would have seen a girl being literally followed by two, bewildered looking boys. Poor souls, they had no idea what to look for and where. I suppose they were like 3 year olds following their mother in a fair, scared not to stray too far away from her.

I was fascinated to realize how simple the task actually seemed to me, and how much importance they were giving to this situation. As if it was a vexed problem that needed some intense thinking and studying to be solved. But I played along and gave them solace by agreeing that the situation needed a great deal of effort to resolve. I think I did a pretty neat job. Hmm, maybe I should go pro.

If I had to buy a gift for a friend, I would have bought her something she likes, or, if I was in almost constant touch with her, then I would have known if there is something she was looking for, and according to my budget bought the gift. Or, in case she had everything she wanted, or if no ideas came to me, I would have gone strolling around in stores. And the moment I would have seen something good, I would have just bought it, provided it fitted in my budget. Simple!

But I should have known, Nachi Viraj- my ‘ clients’- are IIT-ians/IIM-ians. In other words, they are methodical, precise, and their brains work on logic not impulse.

So for three hours we searched for purses, bags, bangles, bracelets, earrings, necklaces, clothes….

And after they had surveyed the whole of their sample space did they make very logical and non-impulsive decisions, and finalized the gift items.

All this required a lot of effort on their part, and finally when we were done, they dragged me to this place called Jammin where they splurged on loud video games that involved a lot of guns, bikes and cars and crashing a lot of these things together. I had more fun watching the mad grin on their faces as they played these games. Jammin completed these two boys the way Wonderland completes Alice, or Neverland completes Peter Pan, or like Hogwarts completes Harry Potter. Nachi, Viraj had arrived! After three hours of looking at girly stuff, I think they deserved it!

2009-12-25T11:27:00.001+05:30

The tumor is cured.
I don't need to have it's vestiges lying around. More importantly, I don't want strangers asking me how I am.

2009-11-16T12:33:00.002+05:30

Woke up with a mess in my head.
Tried to get organized, in vain.
Finally read this poem I had written ages ago, on my earlier blog, to get some inspi.
Felt good.

My dressing table:
Lotions, lens solutions, perfumes, deo sprays;
this cream, that cream;
earrings, bracelets, anklets, scrunchies;
Pick one up and down goes the other,
like dominoes they fall.
For there are way too many,
far more than i need.

Lotions way past their expiratory date,
scrunchies with lost elasticity,
those hideous earrings (what in the world made me buy those??),
old lens containers,
combs with broken teeth,
now in the garbage bin they lie.

My dressing table:
clean, neat, well-organised.

Should also do this with my head
once in a while.

2009-11-16T12:23:00.003+05:30

Roads go ever ever on,

Over rock and under tree,

By caves where never sun has shone,

By streams that never find the sea;

Over snow by winter sown,

And through the merry flowers of June,

Over grass and over stone,

And under mountains in the moon.

Roads go ever ever on

Under cloud and under star,

Yet feet that wandering have gone

Turn at last to home afar.

Eyes that fire and sword have seen

And horror in the halls of stone

Look at last on meadows green

And trees and hills they long have known.

-Bilbo Baggins from There & Back Again

I'm back :)

It's Raining!

2009-10-28T15:07:00.001+05:30

It's actually raining here! Just when I thought this place could not get more beautiful than it already is...nature is full of surprises!

A quiet diwali, for a change

2009-10-17T19:09:00.002+05:30

I am so glad I am not celebrating diwali in the city. For once I am away from the vulgarity and commercialization that seems to have grown around all of our festivals. For once I can have a calm, peaceful, pollution-free, noise-free diwali. Although I can hear the occasional fire cracker here, it does not have the urban feel to it.

Yay! :)

That's how you make a house into a home

2009-10-15T23:23:00.004+05:30

Shreekant is one enthu cutlet!

I could never have thought of beautifying a place this way,with whatever you could get your hands on.

Way to go doode!

My Window To Infinity

2009-10-15T23:19:00.001+05:30

We went out for a peaceful post-dinner walk the other day, my colleague Shreekant; Zara, a Scottish anthropologist; Sunit, a Krishnamurthi reader and I. It was one of those impromptu things that turn out to be great because they haven’t been previously planned. So we walked about randomly along the dimly lit mud roads of Rishi valley recounting mad stories from our childhoods. There was a slight nip in the air and I was grinning for no particular reason. Because of the tree cover we couldn’t make out if the sky was clear or cloudy, until we came upon the school grounds which had a few lights along its periphery. These lights illuminated almost the entire ground except for one tiny patch where the light could not penetrate the dark--my window to infinity. Although I could see but a small patch of the night sky, for me, that night, that patch stretched on forever and even though I was very much on the ground, I could touch the distant stars.

My two new friends

2009-10-12T19:04:00.005+05:30

I made two new friends at Rishi Valley- BBT and Old Alfred. Both BBT and old Al are long past their youth.

BBT is probably the oldest guy around needing support to stand, but he still stands tall in his last days, so much so that you can actually feel his pride even from a distance.

Old Al looks beautiful in his brown wrinkles. In his presence you feel calm and serene.

They both seem to have gathered wisdom that can only come with age.

Here are their pictures:

BBT is a Big Banyan Tree and Old Al is a Gulmohur. Being in their presence fills me with a joy I cannot possibly express.

2009-10-07T19:29:00.012+05:30

This is where I am staying right now. FYI, I'm not on vacation; this is my worksite. :)

Here are some pictures of my neighbours-

And this is what I am studying-

Wow! I love my friends!!

2009-09-18T22:59:00.002+05:30

My college friends are actually going to come all the way to Andheri to meet me before I leave!
How sweet of them!!
Thanks you guys!! :)

My first job on the field

2009-09-17T11:41:00.005+05:30

Last night it finally hit me.
I am leaving home next week.

I have left home before, for innumerable camps, treks and excursions; for holidays in short. But this, this is for work. I have to go there for a job.

For all those who don't know what I am talking about, or for all those who don't know the exact details, here is the ho-down:
I'll be working as a volunteer under the guidance of a professor at NCBS which is located in Bangalore. I will first attend a conference during my stay in Bangalore, YETI (Young Ecologists Talk & Interact) then get some hands on training in Bangalore itself for the job at hand. Later, will move on to a place called Rishi Valley School, Andra Pradesh (Chittoor District). It is a well known residential school which teaches it's students by using the philosophy of J. Krishnamurthi. Incidentally, my mother wanted to enroll me in that school but by the time she heard about it, it was too late, I had almost finished my schooling. She still spoke about it wistfully. "If I had sent my daughter there"...and so on.Guess her wish will soon come true, in a way :)

Anyway, so the campus is a large one hosting good biodiversity (they also run a bird watching course there). So the prof from NCBS has a field station established there. His students go to that place for their field work and stay at the field station. The campus hosts a population of a fairly common lizard called the Peninsular Rock Agama. Nothing much is known about the animal except it's breeding season and colouration etc. I have to go there and study it. For starters, I will be focusing on its home range. My first official field job! Wow!!

Also, when I go to Rishi Valley, no one will inhabit the field station but me. But since it's a full fledged school, stuff like food and laundry will be taken care of. But when it comes to doing the actual work, I will be all myself. Also, imagine living in a 3 room house all alone.

I shall have only solitude for company :)

A dear friend asked me the other day, if I was sad about leaving home. At that time I wasn't, not that I am now. But I'm sure I'm going to miss it. I am sure I will miss meeting my friends whenever I want to, I'll miss the evening strolls around my neighbourhood, I'll miss CCD with my best friend, will miss watching Criminal Minds on TV, my room, my bed, the local trains, the traffic, the noise. Speaking of noise, I most probably won't be around for Diwali. Somehow I won't miss Diwali in the city. Would like to celebrate it away from the noise and the vulgarity. But I will miss my family during diwali though. But that's only in case I have to stay there. Dunno how things will turn out.

Also, this first phase is not a long one, I'll be back in a month or so. Will have to go there again in some time, things will get finalized in the coming weeks.
And, the field station is euipped with a broadband connection, so I won't be all alone, strictly speaking. Only, I don't know if I'll have the time to come online and meet friends.
During that period, I may either be silent on my blog, with not a post in sight, or I may blog so much that your Reader gets flooded.

All in all, October 2009 will be month of many firsts indeed.

Who Said I Hate Sports?

2009-09-11T20:53:00.004+05:30

(Taken from the Sept 14th, 2009 issue of The NewYorker.)

Thanks Raunak, for the link :)

A Refreshing Scene!

2009-09-01T14:37:00.002+05:30

Gargi is a friend I know from college. She landed up with a job recently. So we decided to meet up on Sunday at Dadar and celebrate. But sadly, at the last minute everyone cancelled, except Gargi and me.

Well we didn’t complain much, for when two girls get together after a long time, boy can they talk! So for about 5 hours the gappas continued. We talked about many things, her new job, updates on our lives, updates on other people’s lives (read gossip). Later the talks took some serious turns and we both shared our doubts that bog us down. We sighed often and the conversation ebbed as both of us lost ourselves in our thoughts.

We strolled around Narali Baug, a relatively new garden developed on what was once the famous dadar beach. (Well, at least they didn’t build a mall there, thank god!). So there we were two 23 year olds sharing common childhood memories of making sand castles on the very ground we were walking on and loosing countless slippers while having a dip in the salty water, while the Bandra-Worli Sea link curved gracefully across the horizon. Even though I hate the sea-link, I must admit it made for a very beautiful sight that day. It was near sunset and the faint rays peeped through the rain clouds. Those rays fell on the buildings at Bandra Reclamation making them radiant gold. Suddenly, the distant rain clouds gave way and sheets of water fell through the sky. We could actually see the rain move from the sea to land towards Bandra Reclamation. It poured over the skyscrapers that were golden with the sunset.

Refreshing!

After all that serious talk, the rain, the sea and the sun conspired to lift our spirits!

Mumbai can offer beautiful sights sometimes. Pity I didn’t have a camera, could have been able to show you how beautiful the sight was.

My Life In Bullets (Part II)

2009-08-28T23:29:00.004+05:30

Masters results are out. (Well they were out a month ago, just didn't blog about them, god knows why). Scored very well. For once, I was happy about my results. I remebered last year, the dissatisfaction that followed after the results. I also remember talking about it to my then-boyfriend (gosh, can I really label him that?), telling him about my insecurities, doubts, frustrations. Wonder if he remembers the conversation, wonder if it meant anything to him.
Since we are on this topic, here is a shocker: My mind has been wandering to those times lately. And frankly, I do miss him still. Well, I miss the friendship most of all, or whatever it was that you want to call it. Wonder what made me take those decisions that night. Wonder what made me choose the 'no contact' policy...
Well anyway, next update: In the past few days I actually missed studying!!! It's been around 3 months since I opened a book and studied. So yesterday I cleaned the clutter on my table and started reading through acads stuff! And it felt good!

Well alright, time's up

2009-08-28T19:40:00.003+05:30

So I'm back after a hiatus of 3 days.

There have been so many things I have been wanting to blog, that I have no clue where to start. So here is a bulleted update of what is happening in my life in no particular order:

I have gained weight. Now wait a second, hear me out. Let me be more precise, I gained 3 kilograms. For many that is close to nothing, it may perhaps be negligible. But for me, well, who knew 3 kilograms was all I needed to look better. The number of complements I receive after the weigh gain have been on the rise. But I also hear this from all the aunties and grandmas- that this is enough. "Yashada, put a full stop to it now, don't you gain more weight. This is perfect, not an inch more, not an inch less." So basically, for the first time in my life, I have to pay attention to what I eat and how much I eat. And I never knew it was so difficult!! Man, you need a strong will to say no to that yummy slice of pizza! Not that I am on a strict diet or anything, and I don't intend to either. But I am merely avoiding junk food as much as I can and trying to eat healthy. But this has happened only for the past week or so, mind you.
Visited Bangalore a couple of weeks ago. Its a fairly nice city. Pleasant weather, simple people, not as fussy as Mumbaikars. Why I went there and what I learnt there will be a separate post in itself, or better yet, a series of posts! :)
I am hating what Ganpati today has turned into. It's no longer a festival I look forward to. The noise, the pollution and the vulgarity make me want to either slap all those people or turn my back to them and walk away. I want to do the former, but do the latter.

This blog will remain closed for a while

2009-08-25T14:25:00.003+05:30

Don't know when I'll resume blogging again, it could be a week from now, or it could be a year from now. But I'll definitely be back, that's for sure. I could never let go of blogging altogether.

I am doing this not because I'm too busy, or depressed, or its not that I don't have access to the internet; just felt like spending time by myself, that's all.

2009-08-11T21:18:00.000+05:30

So this is Life, huh?
Scary...
Very scary.

Bra-less on Gtalk

2009-08-05T15:13:00.003+05:30

Gtalk can create memorable moments sometimes, as I found out through a close friend.

When my freind logged on to his gtalk and read my tagline, he almost jumped out of his seat. You see, you can't read entire taglines on gtalk if your gtalk window is not too broad. You only see a few words below the friend's name and you must move your cursor to that part of the gtalk window after which the window expands and allows you to read the whole thing.

So my friend read my tagline as "Lo and Behold! No Bra" instead of "Lo and Behold! No braces!"

The Shedding of the Armour

2009-07-29T12:08:00.004+05:30

I cannot believe the day came to pass.....
The 27th of July 2009 shall forever be remembered as the day my braces were removed!!! :)
HeHeHe :)

I can't believe they are gone! For 3 excruciatingly long years they were a part of me. Now I am free...

P.S. Don't Worry, pictures will be put up soon...

Show Yourselves!

2009-07-16T23:57:00.005+05:30

Devesh Wagh has been reading my blog!!!
I was so surprised when he mentioned it! Not only that, from what I could gather, he has been if not a regular follower but a casual visitor at the least. This was so very surprsing, especially since he had once made a typical 'Wagh' statement such as, only losers would read my blog, or something to that effect...

But this bit of information also led me to ask, how many others visit my blog, and how many of them do i personally know and how many i don't...
Greader tells me my blog has only 6 followers, but I know many others who don't use google reader and have simply bookmarked my blog and get back to it via bookmarks...

So this would be a good time for all ye invisible readers (by invisible i mean, all those who have never, or seldom, commented on my blog) to show yourself! (i.e. please leave a comment on this post).

C'mon guys! See, reading a comment is like opening a box of presents! You are so very happy that someone has some feedback for you and clicking the comments button is like unwrappping the gift! So, in effect you would be gifting me! :P

Thats How I Am...

2009-07-13T22:44:00.003+05:30

14th of July is my best friend Pranali's birthday. We are going to crash at her place at midnight with champaigne and J. W. Marriot's cake.

Somehow I am not excited. And it has nothing to do with dear Pranu. I love her and would soo love to surprise her and wish her at midnight. :) Its the prospect of meeting people I don't particularly like thats killing me. Absolutely none of the people who will be present there are my real friends and frankly, I don't much care for them. They have a tendency of being loud, and all over the place. Urrghhh.....

I am pulling some strings to get hold of passes for the Harry Potter premeire tommorrow. She would sooo love that!!! I can't wait to see the mad grin on her face as we enter the theatre! I would prefer spending quality time with her this way rather than being in the middle of a loud, chaotic party where everyone wants to grab the spotlight.

P.S.: I met Pranu at midnight of the 14th and left at midnight on the 15th!! Surprisingly I had an awesome awesome time, since the people I disliked took leave earlier than I thought and a small bunch of us could spend quality time together :) , for 24 hours!!!

5th of July

2009-07-04T23:27:00.002+05:30

"What's the date tomorrow?" Dad asked me while he wrote something on a piece of paper.
"5th of July" I answered, without thinking much about it at first, then a tiny little bell rang in a dark forgotten corner of my brain.

5th of July.
Tomorrow I'll be completing a whole year since my break-up.
Wow.

I smiled.
I actually smiled!
I have come a long way.

I thought about him then. Not in a yearning sort of way, but just a flitting-thought sort of way. I wondered where he was, if he was alright, if he was happy. I hoped he was. Hoped he wasn't carrying any baggage. (Even if he did, I know he would never, ever let it show...).

I have come a long way indeed...

P.S. This reminds me, I haven't posted about my recent trip to Theobroma! (Now, how could I have forgotten? Maybe I was just too busy, maybe it just didn't matter that much anymore...). Well anyway, here it is- I visited Theobroma on the 27th of June, Saturday. Theos is the place where I broke up... I LOVE Theos since it serves the best desserts ever! What a pity I had to break up there... so for a while I avoided that place. Then when I was ready to visit it, I couldn't find the time to go there..until the 27th! :)
It felt great!

Anchor

2009-06-30T01:11:00.004+05:30

There was once a girl and a boy.

They loved their friends,

and they loved their work.

Though both were busy living their lives,

they were lonely at some point.

One fine day without reason or cause,

they held each others’ hands.

Their lives went on just the same,

except for a tiny change.

Since now their hands were always held,

There was a relief they both felt.

And in that sea of their real lives,

they anchored with their hands,

enjoying the moment for a while.

The girl knows not for how long that moment did last

nor does the boy.

But one fine day

without a solid reason or cause,

he let go without much of a pause.

The girl tried to hold his hand again,

the boy did not refuse,

but his hands were cold,

this time,

they lacked that old warmth.

So the girl let go too,

knowing it was futile to,

renew that which had already sailed away.

In time she would sail again too,

But not before a tear or two

had been shed.

2009-06-17T00:35:00.003+05:30

Liking a guy.

And liking the idea that you like a guy

Are two seperate things.

Or, are they?

Drama Queen

2009-06-15T14:57:00.004+05:30

One of the things I hate most about people is their ability to wear a mask over their true self and behave as someone they are not!

So dear Mask-wearer,

If you have a problem with me, come up to me and say it to me on my face. Don't go bullshitting about whats fair to a thrid person who is not present at the moment and who is most prolly not bothered with our little 'issue' here.

And don't storm out of a store crying your eyes out, make a scene on a busy road and head off in a seperate rickshaw either.

Also, my dear mask-wearer, did you know that you had the audacity to shake my hands at a party 2 hours later, get a lil tipsy, come up to me and kiss me on the cheek and hug me?! As if the scene at the store never happened!!

Whoever does that??

Make up your mind girl, do you want to be my friend or you want to have a cat-fight?

If you ask me, I am game for the cat-fight!

Can You Guess What These Are?

2009-06-12T23:56:00.002+05:30

1. White Feet/Whitey

2. Firangi/Firang/Foreigner

3. Lalla

4. Undir

5. Yashumata Annadata

6. Smeagol/Gollum

7. गणु

8. छोटी मौशी

9. वरण भात (varaaaan bhaaat)

And the best for the last:

10. Shabbo Rani

Great News

2009-05-25T05:40:00.004+05:30

'I have great news!!", I said.
And all of them leaned in, anticipating my next few words.
A million thoughts raced through their heads; "Theres a new guy in my life", "I got a job!", "I am going abroad for my phD"

Here is what I said though:
"My braces are coming off in a month!!"

Total phuski that was....for them... for me, its GREAT news indeed.. :) :)

2009-05-25T05:33:00.003+05:30

And just out of nowhere,
the answer emerges,
stares at you in your face.

There it is. As clear as day.

You are left with no choice but to accept it.
Gulp it in and let it course through your veins;

and carry it with you wherever you go.

Of Facebook & Memes

2009-05-17T21:25:00.005+05:30

For the past few months it seemed the entire world was gathered on Facebook except me. Curiously I didn't feel left behind. "I already have a social networking site in the form of Orkut. Who needs one more?", I told myself. But a few days ago I realized I was the last to know that Devesh’s family was shifting to Cuff Parade. This news was huge and I was blissfully unaware of it. No one seemed to be updating their Orkut accounts. So finally I joined Facebook to keep track of my world.

A day after joining, I met the same people who were present on my Orkut account, doing pretty much the same things they have always been doing, writing to others the same kinda timepass stuff they have always been writing; having the same kind of profiles they have always had… living the same lives they have been living all along. Everything was the same; it was just packaged differently like for example, here they wrote on walls, not scrapbooks.

I think it has some connotations in evolutionary biology. We like to move. We get bored of the same old place, the same old habits. New surroundings help add that newness factor to our lives. Shifting from one place to another on the web could very well be a new form of mass migration for us humans. And notice that it is not a huge change, no paradigm shift, just a new location for the ‘Friends’ button, or a change in font colour. As I said most things remain the same, it’s just the packaging that gets a redo.

Facebook was in vogue in the U.S. and other Westerns countries a couple of years ago, but had not caught on in India. This recent mass migration of a number of my friends, their friends, and their friends of friends could also be an example of how memes work. Someone must have made a shift from having Orkut as their homepage to Facebook, or they may have fallen in love with someone not found on Orkut but having a frequently visited Facebook account. This tiny little change may have snowballed into mass migration. It’s possible, but I don’t think any of these musings of mine are provable.

What do you think?

Only In Poona..

2009-05-15T11:05:00.003+05:30

... can they ask for a 20 Rupees deposit for a milkshake glass.
In Mumbai, you walk into an ice cream-milkshake joint, order for whatever you want, and have it. In Pune..? No!!
You have to pay 20 bucks extra as deposit for the milkshake glass!
Who in the world is going to run away with a milkshake glass???

On second thought, it's Pune, maybe people do nick glasses from restaurants etc.

The regaining of direction

2009-05-11T19:08:00.003+05:30

And amongst all the chaos and the noise, an answer emerges.
A goal materializes.
And just like that, the turmoil recedes but is replaced by a newer restlessness; restlessness of the positive kind.
Direction is regained.

About Two Blogs I Read

2009-05-11T01:49:00.000+05:30

This is a post about 2 blogs I read. I have never met the owners of these blogs in real life, and I may never meet them. But I know about their lives through their blogs.

There is the one by a Canadian girl. It’s called Honestly. She is about my age, has a boyfriend, is a devout Christian but loves science, especially biology. Funny how I stumbled onto her blog. I was searching for information on how to dissect squids. And she had a post on it, so her blog appeared on my google search results. It’s a very nice, personal blog with a lot of tiny details about her life, ranging from a tonsils operation to learning photography. There was nothing especially enlightening about anything she wrote, just her simple life, but maybe that’s why I liked her blog so much. It feels wonderful to read about the life of someone who lives at the other side of the world, whom I have never met. And even though I don’t know her personally, I still understand the simple pleasures she takes in looking at autumn leaves or her anxieties about scoring enough marks in her exams. I know that we are different when it comes to religion, since I am an atheist and she takes her religion very seriously, or that she has a boyfriend and I’m still single; but in a way she is so like me and I suppose we connect as only girls can. But i suppose the most important aspect of it all is that whatever she writes, she does so with her heart, what she truly feels, no lies, no show-offs. ‘Honestly’, could a blog have a title more apt?

Sadly, she has been silent for a long time now, I wonder why...

A case of me is a blog by a 20-something Indian woman. I have no clue what she does for a living. She was living in Bangalore for some time, but I think now she has shifted some place in Europe.

She writes so well! I love her blog especially for her poems. I come home after a long, tiring day through the traffic and noise, go online to do some pending task, and on google reader I get an occasional treat. She has posted a quiet little poem. I read, and re-read it and a quiet smile crosses my face.

I have relaxed.

The writer though has decided to shut down her blog. I don't know why. I won't try to change her mind through this post. I'm sure she has her solid reasons, well, at least I hope she does..

But yes, her work will be missed. I suppose I need to search for something else now, that will relax me at the end of a long tiring day.

(Btw, I have commented on their blogs telling them about this post of mine.)

Before and After

2009-04-20T23:05:00.001+05:30

I had a new haircut!!!

yiipppeee!!!

I'm all set for the summer heat!

:(

2009-04-12T01:06:00.002+05:30

And so it has happened yet again.
Why?
Why is it that this phase starts just a few days before exams?
Why does this feeling creep into me, of wanting to run away, tear all the notes and books and break away from everything?
I love this subject. I have enjoyed studying it all year, then why suddenly this phase of no-enthu ??
Urrghhhh....
Why am I brooding so much? Why am I starring into space and letting my mind wander? Why am I not focusing??

2009-03-29T17:01:00.001+05:30

I brought this upon myself.

I am solely responsible for this.

41

2009-03-26T16:15:00.003+05:30

My very best friend, Anupamaa turned 41 last Saturday.
41 !
I admire her for many reasons, and the thing she did on her birthday added to those reasons.
She got herself a tattoo!
Right across her forearm for all the world to see!
Isn't that cool or what?!

Peelu, Peeli aur Peellum!

2009-03-17T22:38:00.004+05:30

This is the third consecutive year that they have visited the clump of trees right outside my window- this pair of orioles.

Orioles!

Flying around the branches, a flutter of bright gold and yellow, not just one, but a pair!

A pair, searching together for a home. A home to start a new family in a city where space happens to be a luxury even for little birds. And yet I imagined them setting forth on this seemingly daunting task with zeal, with a sense of adventure in their hearts, with the kind of excitement that grips you when you embark on a new journey. But at the same time this very zeal made them seem vulnerable. Vulnerable to all the big bad ugly crows out there, to the telephone wires and kite strings.

As I saw them wandering around the branches, a bunch of brightest yellows and black I couldn’t help but be thankful for how lucky I am. I had seen such birds only in wooded areas before and here they were, in my own backyard!

Eurasian Golden Orioles are found in many parts of the world. Those found in Europe are known to fly all the way to Africa in winter. I could not find out if the Indian versions are migrants or not. One website labeled them as Residents while some other site called them summer visitors. So I do not know where these little friends of mine go for the rest of the 8-9 months of the year.

I do not even know how and when I got attached to these little birds. I didn’t want any harm to come to them. Sometimes I even had wild urges to snatch them from those unsafe surroundings and keep them close to me, away from harm.

And as they flew out of sight every day in the morning I found myself praying. Praying for their safety. Praying that they should come back home when the sun sets. And come they did! As if on cue they arrived as the sun sank in the horizon, settled on some branches and cried out in their distinctive voices. And every single time I rushed to the window and clapped at their return. When it was dark, they flew out somewhere else. I imagined they had a nest on a nearby tree somewhere.

There came a time when I was not at home during evenings when they returned. So I had not been able to see them for a while. But one lucky day I was home and I heard their call. I rushed to the window, this time with my handy cam. The male flew away, but the female lingered. I followed her movements till she almost flew into a sparrow sitting on another branch.

“A sparrow? No, that’s not a sparrow, its too big for a sparrow,” I thought.

“And what is that tinge of yellow on its back and neck?”

And then realisation dawned on me- OH MY GOD!! They had a baby!!! They actually had a baby!!

I felt like a grandmother, as I jumped and clapped around. My dear Peelu and Peeli had a Peellum!

And so my Peelu, Peeli and Peellum go in search of food everyday, soon they will disperse, and Peellum will grow up and start a family of his/her own.

And I hope they come back next year, for yet another beginning!

(The author wishes to thank a dear friend for naming them :)

Whats the worst that could happen?

2009-03-05T14:46:00.004+05:30

I shall not freak out this time, no

I shall not be jittery this time,

No biting nails,

No pacing around the empty room,

No smsing ppl at unearthly hours

asking for pep talks,

Afterall,

zindagi mein kabhi exam

di nahi hai kya?

This ain't your first time,

Whats the worst that could happen?

Of weaving baskets and stitching cultures

2009-02-18T00:20:00.005+05:30

The following is an excerpt from a book I am currently reading. The author was what they call an organizer, working on social issues, trying to improve the lives of African Americans residing in Chicago. The author's work was focused on people living in the Altgeld Gardens Public Housing Project which was mainly a black community. Altgeld Gardens was sand witched between a garbage dump, a sewage water treatment plant and the Calumet river, in the waters of which swam fish deformed by the river's toxic waters. The people who lived there happened to be those who had lost their jobs to outsourcing and globalization.
Here is the author talking about jobs lost, lives wasted and cultures crushed:

"...the scene took me back to the markets of Indonesia: the hawkers, the leather workers, the old women chewing betlenut and swatting flies off their fruit with whisk brooms.
I'd always taken such markets for granted, part of the natural order of things. Now though, as I thought about Altgeld...I saw those Djakarta markets for what they really were: fragile precious things... "
"...For how could we go about stitching a culture back together once it was torn? How long might it take in this land of dollars?
Longer than it took a culture to unravel, I suspected. I tried to imagine the Indonesian workers who were now making their way to the sorts of factories that had once sat along the banks of the Calumet river, joining the ranks of wage labor to assemble the radios and sneakers that sold on Michigan Avenue. I imagined those same Indonesian workers ten, twenty years from now, when their factories would have closed down, a consequence of new technology or lower wages in some other part of the globe. And then the bitter discovery that their markets have vanished; that they no longer remember how to weave their own baskets or carve their own furniture or grow their own food; that even if they remember such craft, the forests that gave them wood are now owned by timber interests, the baskets they once wove have been replaced by more durable plastics. The very existence of the factories, the timber interests, the plastics manufacturer, will have rendered their culture obsolete; the values of hard work and individual initiative turn out to have depended on a system of belief that's been scrambled by migration and urbanization and imported TV reruns. Some of them would prosper in this new order. Some would move to America. And the others, millions left behind in Djakarta, or Lagos, or the West Bank, they would settle into their own Atlgeld Gardens, into a deeper despair. "

The author happens to Barack Obama and the excerpt is from his book Dreams from My Father.
It is indeed comforting to know that someone with so much power today has such sensitivity and honesty.

I Have Arrived

2009-02-11T22:48:00.003+05:30

It was exactly a year ago...I was anxious about him shifting to Mumbai, I was thrilled from just the prospect of him shifting right here, in my very own city, praying that everything works out well and he comes here...Was so vulnerable then, things happening miles apart decided my mood for the day. I was nothing but a bundle of emotions bouncing around.

Its been a year, yes, and now finally I can talk about it and smile! There is no regret about all that happened, or didn't happen, no qualms about anything. I can talk/blog openly about it and not feel my stomach squirm. Because the period of intense numbness has gone. This numbness caused me to think that whatever happens, just let it happen, I don't give a damn! That I shall not be hurt or sad if some guy in the future doesn't like me back. I slipped into a period of insensitivity to banish all emotions and just be me, plain and bland. I cultivated this numbness so that I could make some kind of protective sphere around me; a sphere that made me feel I am immune to pain.

I shed that protective cocoon today.

I am ready to feel again! I am ready to set forth on another adventure, to take another plunge!

2009-01-27T20:19:00.004+05:30

This post is a result of a conversation I had with a friend of mine the other day. It all started when he realised my parents were quite cool about me traveling alone at night. (By night I mean 11.00 to 12.00 pm types). Well first of all let me go on record by saying they are ok with it only if they know who I am with, exactly where I am and why I have gone there and how I intend to come back. If I am with people I don't know too well, the question of me asking them permission to stay out late doesn't arise because I myself usually decide to go home early.

Anyway, so he asked me how safe it is for a girl to travel late night in Mumbai, which made me think. I told him that I have in fact had a few hassles while traveling alone. I didn't elaborate much and I could see he couldn't figure out the extent of these 'hassles", but he certainly seemed shocked and concerned. So I shall elaborate some of these incidents here in this post. Its not easy to talk about them here for all to read but I think I should do this because people must know. When have I ever told a guy friend of mine I had a hard time traveling in the bus or walking on the road? Its always your girl friends you talk to and avoid such conversations with guy friends. Isn't that wrong? They should be made aware of it, in case they aren't already. So here are a few experiences:

Dhakkas: The 'dhakaas' especially on railway staircases, and roads are common, so are in a BEST bus when the driver hits the breaks suddenly. They usually take advantage of the swaying motion of the bus to brush against you. Another thing they do is, if you are sitting at the outer edge of a BEST seat, while getting off, they brush past you or stand in such a way that the middle of their legs brush your shoulders.

Name calling: A very common phenomenon, you are called all sorts of things as they pass you by.

Staring: Urrghh, its one of the sickest! Even if they are sitting ahead of you in a bus, they actually do an almost 180 degree turn and stare at you like you are an animal at a zoo.

One of the worst is when they don't touch you at all, but touch themselves. While sitting beside you in a bus if they have a bag or something, they can easily hide the fact from the rest of the passengers that their zipper is down. This incident has happened so many times that I have lost count. That's the reason why most women would kill to sit on the "Ladies Seat" in a bus, since it ensures that the passenger next to you will almost certainly be a woman.

I suppose the scariest time was when I was traveling in a train from Andheri to CST, I had to catch another train from CST to go to Amboli for a college excursion. It was about 8.30 pm and since I was traveling in the opposite direction of the rush hour crowd (which travels from CST to up North like Andheri) the train wasn't crowded. So at Sandhurst road the train compartment completely emptied except me so that I was the sole occupant. Some guy got in, sat on the next row, pulled down his zipper and...

Even though I was not touched physically, (THANK GOD FOR THAT) it was the scariest and sickest train ride I have ever been on.

I remember very well that mom had advised me against traveling to CST alone, because the train will not be crowded, and hence, unsafe.The rest of my college friends were going to meet at Dadar and would proceed to travel together from there to CSTvia Central Line. But since I live in Andheri I had a direct train to CST via Hrbour Line I decided not to meet them at Dadar. I think this happens to be the only time I didn't heed mom's advice. She has always known which is the safest route since she must have gone through all this herself. I have made a note in my mind to always consult her and learn from her experiences.

I can guarantee each and every girl has gone through a harrowing experience such as this, or sadly, worse than these, unless she travels only by private transport.

I have noticed that most of these situations have arisen either in broad day light or during evening, not necessarily late night. But this does not in any way prove that traveling by night is safer or something, simply because the frequency by which we have travelled by night is less than in usual rush hours, so the two cannot be compared.

Another thing I have noticed is that such incidents occur, surprisingly, when you wear salwaar kameez, with most of your body covered. Jeans and tops don't elicit such reactions as much as a salwaar kameez does. I don't really know why, but one possibility is you seem more vulnerable in Indian clothes whereas western clothes somewhere in the deep recesses of their minds make you seem independent and harder to dominate. Its just a theory, I dunno.

Anyway, that's all I suppose. And let me go on record that neither of my girl friends or I have been daunted by it as such, we have grown up in such a world, have taken it in our stride and have learnt to walk on the streets, occasionally raising our voices and teaching the assholes a lesson.

2009-01-04T17:22:00.004+05:30

I got drunk for the first time during the New Year's party. Well, I had been high before, on my birthday treat for instance, but it lasted for only a few minutes. I only had an uncontrolled fit of laughter at that time, that’s all. But this new year’s I was high for hours. Don’t really know what I did during that period, but I remember that I blabbered a lot, tried to dance but couldn’t because if I moved too much it hurt my head. Then my best friend and I moved aimlessly from room to room arm in arm and talked crap. At some point we ended up in the balcony where we slumped and cried. I don’t know why exactly I cried, but I think I saw her crying and I joined her. I sent some random sms-es to people wishing them a happy new year and telling them I was drunk. Then I received an sms from a good friend of mine. He happens to be my ex’s room mate. So I replied back wishing him a happy new year and telling him I was drunk and asking him how my ex is. After that I happily fell off to sleep.

Urrghhh why did I do that? Why did I have to send that sms? I felt amazingly stupid when I was back in my senses. We don't talk about my ex ususally, and I didn't feel good about inquiring about him out of the blue. And I hope I haven’t spoilt my friendship with my good friend.

I didn’t feel alright at all the next day. So I have realized getting drunk is not for me. It gives you this feeling of shallow, meaningless purposelessness the next morning which has just put me off the whole thing. I don’t want to be drunk again, not anytime soon anyway. I don’t regret doing it though, since being talli was one of those things for me that I wanted to do at least once in my life (that list also includes bungee jumping, paragliding among other things J ) . But now that I have done it, I’m not keen on doing it again.

2009-01-02T00:11:00.001+05:30

Oh and btw, my resolution for the new year- Try to eat food quicker than I used to.

2009-01-01T19:02:00.004+05:30

I dedicate this first post of the year 2009 to my College Friends. I have known them for less than a couple of years, but I think I have known them all my life.

I thought I was going to spend my New Years with my best friend from school, Pranali and a small group of other friends. It so happened that one of Pranali's friends invited her college friends to our New Year's party. So we were a group of about 9 girls in Pranali's house. I was meeting these girls for the first time. I don't really know how to describe these girls, except that they took the word 'bitches' to a whole new level.

Arrogance just oozed out of them. When we woke up the next morning on the 1st of Jan, the house was in a mess. And here comes the part that pissed me off the most, none of them offered to help Pranali and me when we started the cleaning process. Forget help, they did not even have the courtesy to get out of the way as we walked from one room to the other trying to tidy up the place. Also,we had to remind them to chip in for the party. They had conveniently forgotten that the party was one where we all had to contribute together, that the food and drinks weren't for free.

Ok, so it was New Years and they were just a group of girls who wanted to have fun. But so were Pranali and me! Wrapping up at the end of the day is something everybody hates doing. That's the reason we should work as a team and minimize the work load. Their bad conduct bugged me to the core and I had half a mind to tell them that on their face.

This is in complete contrast to the friends I have in college. Our Masters degree brought together different people from all sorts of different backgrounds with varied goals and ambitions. But in these couple of years, we have become one united team, just the way different parts come together to form one single entity. Now, if we are given a task, like clockwork, we simply take our positions and complete the task in minimum time without too much confusion; no one needs to tell us or direct us, we are so well co-ordinated! I can swear, if my college friends were in place of these chicks today, each and everyone would have helped to tidy up the place without any one having to tell them to do it.

I remember the beginning of this academic year when there was a science exhibition in our College. For some reason or another the news of this exhibition did not reach the Head of our department till one working day prior to the exhibition itself. At 5 pm of a Saturday we got a call from her telling us to prepare exhibits for the exhibition that was to start on Monday. We outlined the work ahead in an hour and went home. On Monday morning our exhibits were ready. Our seniors and the peons could not come early to college on Monday since they had some work of their own. Nor could our HOD. So the entire event had to be managed by the Masters junta. On learning on the phone that we had no assistance, our HOD was a bit worried. She doubted if we could manage the event by ourselves. But we did that job without any assistance. And what a job! Zoology Department exhibits easily became the crowd pullers. The organizers actually thanked our HOD for making the event a success at such short notice. I won't forget what our Head told us that day, "You are ready! You have become efficient at handling a job".

And this is just one aspect. My college group has taught me important lessons about friendship and unity in the process. It is said, you usually make lasting friends during your early years in school etc. and that as you grow up, relationships become more professional and self-centered. Somewhere in the race, the innocence and charm of a friend is lost. Not for us, no. I am lucky to make best friends at the Masters level, and retain it for years to come.

Thanks guys!

A Good Year, This

2008-12-31T20:46:00.003+05:30

Its New Years already.
Funny how time flies by so quickly when you are having a good time.

Yes, 2008 has been a wonderful year for me. Learned so many lessons. Unlike 2007, these lessons weren't those I could add in my CV; but lessons non the less.

I shall always remember 2008 as the year in which I came to be a part of a relationship for the first time ever.
I was also part of a break-up for the first time.
I came to value friendship like never before. I can't believe I used to take human beings for granted the way I did before things changed my views.
2008 will, for me, be the year Yashada had a paradigm shift, the year Yashada grew up.

As I write this, I have suddenly realized I'm happy!
I'm happy to let go of another year and venture into a new one :)

I Am Here

2008-12-06T17:03:00.002+05:30

She strolled in the woods just as she always did. But things were different now. She had let go of a burden and she felt light from within. Just as she was walking freely in those woods, she noticed hope fluttering in the air, like a butterfly fresh out of its cocoon. She wondered if she was seeing things. Was it substantial, this hope? Or was it just another mirror of past episodes? That thought filled her with dread. Dare she walk down that path of Not-Knowing once more, and risk it all again?

Cherry on Top

2008-12-02T21:39:00.001+05:30

I feel sorry in saying this, but, yes I was prepared for the cake and the icing. R R Patil calling it a ‘small incident’, Shivraj Patil’s usual incompetency to deal with the situation, reporters asking the families of the deceased “how are they feeling right now? (What sort of a question is that??...and so on.
But the cherry on top came when Vilasrao Deshmukh went to the Taj with his actor son and Ram Gopal Verma. That was the height of insensitivity a leader, no other than the Chief Minister of this very state could exhibit. I am speechless after knowing this. And I cry in despair, is all lost? Are we doomed? Is there no hope when there is such a sick, insensitive leadership that we have elected ourselves?

2008-11-30T23:17:00.000+05:30

It’s 1.30 in the morning. Pranali meets me online.
Pranu: “Baaaabeee I’m sooooo glad ur online!!! We HHHAVE to taaaalk!!!!”
Me: “OMG, waaaat happened???”
Pranu: “Too long a story to type, can I call???”
Me: “Haan re, call NOOOOWWW. Btw wats it bout??”
Although I already knew what it was that she wanted so desperately to talk about. Her extended ‘baaaabe, and HHAAAVE to taaaalk’ etc told me she was having guy trouble.
So she calls at 1.30 am on my landline and starts. “So I said blah blah..then he said blah blah, so I was like, so what?? Then you know what he said?? He was like..blah blah…”
I’m listening, listening, listening…
Next thing I know I can hear the engaged tone on the phone. For a second I don’t know what’s happening. Then it hits me, I had fell asleep while she was telling me something major on the phone.
Shit.
Then my cell phone rings. Pranu calling. I answer, “Babe what happened?? Zoplis biplis ki kay?”
“Umm yes I think I fell asleep…” I say a little gingerly, wondering how she’ll react.
“What??? You fell asleep listening to me??”
“Sorry sorry sorry, I was just a bit tired, and its almost 2 now…” Stop giving excuses you stupid, just accept your mistake and try to figure out how much damage control is needed.
Thankfully Pranu was in a good mood. I didn’t even have to treat her to coffee or ice cream. Come to think of it, I came off pretty easy.
I wondered what I would have done if we had exchanged places and she would have been the one to doze off while I ranted on. Hell would have broken loose…
Boy, I have good, understanding friends. Can’t say the same for them though!

Chain Ki Neend

2008-11-27T16:16:00.003+05:30

I have been silent for a long time. Its been more than a month since I wrote last. Long silence, this. But before I commence this post I have someone to thank. For it was he who suggested (unknowingly, I guess) the title for this post. Some witty remark from Nachiket Gajare proved to be a muse for me. And I finally decided to break my bloggy silence.

I have been silent for a long time. When was the last time I “talked?” For the last few weeks I have been a mere spectator of my actions, or inactions. It was almost some form of out- of- body experience. I saw myself taking decisions I didn’t think I would, I saw myself thinking in ways I didn’t know I could. I could see myself running around, busy with some work, making excuses for my behavior, my silence. Slowly I could see myself getting lost in the crowd. I didn’t even try to get back together with that drifting, aimless, apparently busy self, till I actually realized what I was doing and why I was doing it. Staying aloof brings with it some kind of numbness which is very addictive. I didn't have to think much, but only go with the flow. I would have stayed this way had it not been for a sudden realization. The realization that I was not writing a lot, at least not like the way i used to. The new me did not like to pen down my thoughts. Unusual, for the Yashada I know.This separation from my being was affecting my (among other things), writing.

I can't stay this way! Not talking is unhealthy. I must break my silence. And hence this post.

The last few days have been super-hectic. I have barely slept. Why? Some submission, as usual. All I wanted to do after the submission was have some good, untroubled sleep. Chain ki neend, in Nachiket’s words. Well, the submission is over now and I’m at the other side of it. It would have been a very different side if it wasn’t for some Bollywood ish-style shootings taking place on the very streets of my dear city. News channels are suddenly showing scenes that look like they're from fromsome Hindi film. Whoever could have imagined terrorists coming by boat, attacking, among other places, the Taj- more than just a hotel for any Mumbaikar. Considering that complete murderous lunatics are loose in our city, wonder if any of us can have any chain ki neend…

Thanks again, Nachiket for the title.

Turtles!

2008-10-21T23:57:00.000+05:30

The Discovery and National Geographic channels were launched in India when I was in school. I remember being glued to the TV watching fascinating beasts and equally fascinating people studying them. I wished I could join this band of cool conservators and adventurers, travel across the globe and save the jaguar in the amazon or watch chimps communicate or release turtles into the wild.
So when I heard that people were, in fact, trying to save turtles in my own backyard I jumped right in as a volunteer.

The Sahyadri Nisarga Mitra is (SNM), is an NGO based in Chiplun, Maharastra. They have met with success in their attempt to save turtle eggs that hatch on the Konkan beaches. Locals used to eat turtle eggs, but volunteers of SNM educated them about the importance of turtles. They eventually took local fisher folks into confidence, who became their informers. Whenever a turtle nest was spotted, efforts were made to guard the nest by building temporary fences around the nest. In case there were many nests, hatcheries were made and eggs were protected from stray dogs, foxes and other predators.

Marine turtles live their entire lives in the sea, but the female comes on land to lay her eggs. She comes roughly on the same beach that she was born on to lay her eggs. She lays about 150 to 200 eggs at a time. After about 5 weeks the eggs hatch and the tiny little hatchlings find their way to the sea. They are attracted to the light of the moon which steers them towards the waves. But bright city lights coming from the opposite direction may confuse them and they end up going the wrong way, i.e. inland. Hatchlings also fall prey to natural predators like foxes, birds etc. They also have natural enemies in the sea. It is estimated that only one or two turtles from a single batch survive up to adulthood. Turtles are also falling prey to trawler nets. Trawlers cast their vast nets in the water for about 9-10 hours. If a turtle gets entangled in it, it can't come up to the surface to breath. It needs to come to the surface to breath every hour or so. So the poor thing suffocates to death.

The olive ridley turtle is known to nest along the entire coast of India. SNM wanted to find out if turtles nest north of Ratnagiri, near Mumbai.
A workshop was held to gather volunteers for the job. Volunteering work involves traveling along coastal villages north of Mumbai and talking to the local fisher folk. They are the best people to give accurate information about turtle sightings. The work also involves telling them about the importance of turtles in the food chain, and that their conservation will finally help in the conservation of other fish in the sea.
The first trip took place last Sunday, on the 19th of October. Fisherfolk said they remembered lots of turtles coming to the beach to lay eggs and that they used to eat the eggs. But now, it has been 15 years since a turtle came to lay eggs on their beach. It sure was disheartening to hear that. But we had traveled to a couple of villages very close to Mumbai and maybe the further away we go from this crowded and polluted city , the better the condition of the beaches and better the chances of turtles visiting them.

But I can't help myself ask the question, is this whole effort to release turtles into the sea the real solution to the problem? According to one paper, "Programs such as headstarting, captive breeding, and hatcheries may serve only to release more turtle into a degraded environment in which their parents have already demonstrated that they cannot flourish." Even if we do release them into the ocean, what are the chances of them surviving in an environment that we know is hazardous for them? If we really want to save them, we must look at the larger picture. The authors of the above paper suggest 'turtle excluder' nets, nets that only catch the target fish and let turtles go free. They also suggest low pressure sodium lamps on beaches so the turtles don't get disoriented.

Asking a trawler owner to set up turtle excluder devices, asking for special lighting near beaches will be easier said than done. After all, why will a trawler owner be interested in setting up some new device when he is not getting anything out of it? That would mean asking the Government to give them subsidies, or tax benefits; which ultimately means a lot of paper work and probably years stuck in a red tape.

YOu might call me a cynic, but there is a thin line between being a cynic and a realist.

Cheers To Singledom

2008-10-05T00:00:00.000+05:30

It felt a lot like being pushed into a cold stormy night with no protection from the frigid weather. It was cold, bitter and it hurt. Boy did it hurt...

But I am slowing growing used to it now. Yes, it can get a bit lonely at times. More so when you stumble on an old memory; a cd he gave, a song he loved, a place we visited together, an old email... For just a few moments you are back in the warm sunshine away from all the pain. And then the next moment you realise the warmth is not real anymore, that you are just imagining things. And before you know it, you are back in the rains again. But then, you get used to it after a while; the flip-flop, flip-flop. The cold-sunshine, cold-sunshine routine. And it doesn't hurt as much. It reaches a point where it's bearable.

And surprisingly, I think I could get used to this thing. This footlooseness. There is a thrill in being all alone, I think it's even giving me a high.

I am slowly settling down in this stormy weather; snuggling in the cold, and learning to just enjoy the rain...

A day of many firsts

2008-09-14T19:35:00.000+05:30

I usually dislike attending weddings. That's prolly because among all the weddings I have attended there have been very few times when I actually knew either the bride or groom in person. They were just either distant relatives I barely interacted with or some family friends' daughters or sons I barely knew.
But this time it was different. This time the bride happened to be my cousin. And this happened to be the first wedding in the family of our generation. Oh boy....did we all have fun!

And I surprised myself by doing some things I thought I would never do.
A. Bought 3 inch high heeled sandals and actually walked around in them all day, ignoring the slow and may I add painful death of my feet, my knees and my back.
B. Allowed mehendi to be drawn on my palms
C. I forgot all the dialogue-baji I have been doing all these years about "how can people actually cry at weddings, that's just so stupid, I mean its not like you're never going to meet her again!!"and joined the "stupid people who cry at weddings" group.
D. I actually danced wholeheartedly and didn't have to be pulled and coaxed into it.

Well, at least I didn't buy any of those chamko sandals with glittery stuff pasted on them, nor did I paint my entire palm with mehendi, just a small strip, and 'weeping' is a more appropriate word than 'crying' I suppose, and I danced only if you consider either standing rooted to the spot and doing curious hand movements or jumbling your legs with un-coordinated hand movements as 'dancing'.

Well, that should help me keep some of my dignity.

What I Don't Like About Ganpati...

2008-09-08T18:09:00.000+05:30

...the Noise!!!
Why do our festivals have to be so noisy? I now associate any Indian festival with loudspeakers that blare out so-called music even during unearthly hours. I have been hearing aartis with dhinchak dhinchak beats in the background, like the ones you hear in auto-rickshaws being played in cars while they take the ganpati for visarjan.
Urghh!! The rubbish people can come up with!

I'm back!

2008-08-20T08:26:00.000+05:30

wow!!! I'm back!!!

Fisrt of all, welcome to my humble abode. :)

After a looot of shifting and adjusting and some more shifting, I finally ended up where I had begun- at Blogspot. I must say I got a lot of help from 'blog-brokers' who helped me find a new place to write, but I guess I love Blogspot too much. Many many thanks for the help though.

I have created a new google account and shall post here, using that particular google id. I'm doing all this so that this current blog of mine does not feature along with my previous blog on my profile. Problem solved!

Anyway, last few weeks have been pretty laid-back and I spent a major part of the day doing absolutely nothing. But this is, as Gandalf says, "the deep breath before the plunge!" I intend to plunge into acads tomorrow but I'm not sure if that's a good idea as I have a super-cool girls only pajama party coming up this weekend. That will completely ruin my study tempo. So, maybe I should just wait till Monday till I take the plunge... ;)

But whatever, the transition is complete and I shall soon begin to post here.